Aging
I am an old woman now. Yes, people will still exclaim "oh you aren't Old!" even though I will be 61 in two months (why do people do that??) but I know that I am not only old I lately Feel and Look Old. I'm lucky, I've only felt this way for a couple of years. Definitely only started to Look old in my late fifties. But it is here. I've receive one death sentence, a COPD diagnosis over a year ago. I'm pretty sure that whatever is going to kill me is already at work in me somewhere. I have trouble breathing sometimes and feel my heart doing things it shouldn't. Am I afraid of death? Somewhat. I feel farther from God than ever in my life. That's pretty scary and I am trying to fix it. I bought a Bible not long ago. Started watching biblical documentaries, history of all religions. Life after death stories. Preparing myself. The terrifying part for me is those I will leave behind. It seems like I have too many people totally dependant on me. And I ...